Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
