so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
