I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
