I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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