the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
