Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
