I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
porn star boner night. come get it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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