so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
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We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
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I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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