Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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