these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
