I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We have started to decorate penises.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
