Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
