i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Let's get the cat blown out
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
