I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
