uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
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She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
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pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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