omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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