my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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