I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
