Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
