i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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