I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
