he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
