i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize