Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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