I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
