I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
