We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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