im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
