You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
