I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
