areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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