the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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