so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
