kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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