you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
