I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
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I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
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I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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