Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
