having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
