Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So much rum. So many feels.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
