If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
