I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
its liver damage thursday
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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