Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
it's like iHOP with fire
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
