I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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