After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
