you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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