he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
