Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
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i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
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Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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