Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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