the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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