We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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