im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
