You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
