Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
