1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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