I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
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i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
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Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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