Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
