Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
