OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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