I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
