Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
