I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
