I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
