She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
